Half

Half the love of a first born’s mother,
and half the hate of a dying prey.
Pulled out a volcano shell to mix it up,
poured it all through its vent and waited and waited.

Half the prayers of the weak and suffering,
And half the sins of the soldiers of faith.
Mixed in a cauldron full of blood,
And poured it all on the streets and wept and wept.

Half the pleasures of the souls and bodies,
And half the pains of a shattered heart.
Emptied a human body to fill it up,
And poured it all in it to see it break and break.

Half the powers of the gods guarding everything,
And half the strength of the demons against them.
Made a whole new earth to hold it all,
And poured it all together to see it doom and doom.

Half the joys of life along the rivers,
And half the perils lying with the droughts.
Lay a fertile soil land to have them all,
And poured it all to see it all turn barren and barren.

Half my heart with all the love,
Half my flesh with all the pain.
I killed myself once again to put it all,
And poured it all to see myself turn again to ashes and ashes.

Paper Boats

I see rains as a force uniting everything.
Not just the parched lands to a long-desired bloom.
But also brings back a better chirp in the birds, if you pay enough attention.
Not just nature, it unites us all too.

Rain is a form of a love of the skies with the earth.
And storms are the tantrums they throw on each other.

And most of you will agree that; Rain is just another synonym for Love.

 

 

He had to walk a mile in the rain to catch a bus. The bike he bought with his first salary gave up for some reason and he was already late.
Cursing the rain he crossed puddles and saving himself from a car’s splashing water, he reaches the bus stop.
In the bus, he overhears someone saying how much more it is going to rain for the next few days in Mumbai. And for sure the whole city will stop for a day or two.

In some time he got on the bus and started to scroll in his mobile.

He kept fiddling with his phone and then he heard a group of girls talking loudly and laughing while they got on the same bus.

Dark blue dress, and eyeliners to perfection.
Little oxidised earrings, not too big, nor too small.
Hair down till her waist, and probably was wet because she stood in rain.
A mild smile always stamped on her face even when she had no reasons for it, maybe.
She passed him and said “Excuse me”, and while he gave her way, her wet hair swept across his arm.
For the first time, getting wet by the rain inside the bus was his favourite.

He just saw her and wondered “How can she be so happy even though it is raining this much?”

He kept stealing glances now and then, she was the only interesting thing in that bus.
She took a lot of time perfecting a perfect picture of the rain from the window and he thought she must be posting the picture with the caption, “Heavy Rains in Mumbai, and I love it a lot” or maybe, “I smile more beautifully than ever when it rains”

He looked away and smiled. And, probably for the first time he has smiled since last evening since he came back home all drenched in rain.
Some people do hate rain, but till when is what the question lies in?

He looked back at her, and there was some other girl sitting on her seat.
He did remember her eyes, nose, lips and, yes, that smile…He was damn sure it wasn’t her.

He looked around, she was gone.
She must have got down at some stop, and he asked the conductor which stop was it?

And he kept mumbling that stop’s name until he got to his office and then it all went away.

Next day, it wasn’t raining and also his bike was all good but he walked down the bus stop and got on the same bus again. And waited for her stop to come, and he kept waiting till her stop came.

He did the same a few days and now, it was about to be a week and she was nowhere to be spotted.

Later That Night

He dreamt of him running behind a bus in which she was on the window seat smiling at him. And he missed that bus
He woke up all in cold sweat and looked outside, it rained again that day.
‘One last time’; he thought, and he walked to the bus stop and got in it.
He waited and waited.

Time gets super slow when you wait for one thing so much where you focus all your energy on.
It is not just a dramatic statement, but also a scientific one.

And then, her stop came and she got in. He smiled at her so wide that she must have got a little scared of a stranger smiling so wide.

She and her friends stood a few feet away from him and they were talking…

It is also scientific that if you want to listen to that one voice you want to hear, you will have amazing noise filtering techniques equipped to yourself and hear whatever that one person you want to hear.

She kept on talking how much she still misses making paper boats and now, she doesn’t do that all because she isn’t seven anymore and they now live on the 8^th floor.
She added, “If I were to live on the first floor of my building I will happily make boats and throw them in the waterlogged parking from the balcony.” When her friend interrupted saying “it won’t float if you even throw from the first floor.”

“I believe it will, and I have still to try it to be sure” she replied with a smile.

And suddenly, she hears a voice “I guess it will float…. for sure if it is from the first floor…”
She and all her three friends turned their heads towards the guy who gave that creepy smile when they got on the bus.

An awkward silence was between five people. And he thought he has screwed up his first impression.
His doubts were getting real with each second…And then she smiled and said “One day we will try” and she walked away and got down the bus.

He wanted to go after her and ask, When? Where? And also, what is your name?

But instead, he walked away from his dreamland and went to his office and the day ended.

Next day again he got on the same bus and waited and she didn’t turn up.
Again the next day, and also the next day… she was never back again.

It was the last weeks of the monsoon, and he hadn’t used his bike for 2 months now.

Nothing changed, the same bus, the same stops he hoped to see her, and when the stop she got off the bus came his hopes would all go vain all over again.

Days passed and one day while he was going back home, the bus had a breakdown so all the passengers were asked to get down and wait for another bus to pick them up.
He carefully walked out of the waterlogged roads and made it to the footpath, and he waited for another bus.
Then he saw a paper boat slowly made its way into the water drains on the road. He looked in the direction it came from and he found another one coming his way.

He slowly walked towards where it came from, and the footpath ended and he saw an apartment with waterlogged parking.
He smiled and looked up to see an old couple on the first floor.

In the dim candlelight, around in their eighties, smiling at each other while folding paper boats.
They made a boat each and threw down from there and one boat sank and one boat floated and made its way out of the building each time.
“You will never learn to drop them from here, even after 50 years of doing this with me, you always miss it,” said the old man.

He kept on seeing them and smiled in joy, and they noticed him and waved at him to come up.
They then dropped a boat writing something on it.

It reached near him, and he picked up and it read,
“It is raining, and we don’t think you will be going home safe in this rain. Flat number 4 is where we old couple live. Come up!”

He walked up inside the apartment and found the apartment No. 4.
He was welcomed and they kept telling about boats and how they do this every year.
He just smiled and kept nodding.

He noticed things in that house very familiar as if he has seen them before.
A wall full of small to large framed pictures and he thought he knew a face in it.
He went close and found that familiar face of her.
Same eyes, the same long hair. Everything the same, the one he fell in love with.

He then noticed she was standing with a guy in garlands and all, it was a wedding picture.

 
He tore his eyes away from her and saw the groom, it shocked him.
It was him standing next to her.
In their wedding picture, and he was shocked and he kept looking at the other picture on the wall.

It all had him and her in different phases of life.
Growing older and older in pictures while he went to the right.
And then he stopped at one picture of a couple in their eighties, it resembled the couple who invited him… he saw the resemblance of him and her getting older and older till this frame.
He saw how the old couple looked exactly the older version of him and her.

Was it a dream? Or something else?
It is now your story.
You make it out.

Why should I ever forget this all?

She was the strongest woman I have ever come across, but with the mildest of the pain I fall in she will get her eyes all moist. Her soft kindness was my favourite, and my resistance to wrong things was her favourite. We had differences at every point. But, deep down we settled to be the same.

We would argue all day what each of us wants to do in the evening and when the time arrives we would argue to do what the other one wanted. She would crave to see me smile back when I would understand that she let her desires off for me.

She can’t keep herself off the random little kids on the road. And, I used to like them too, but, after seeing her sit on the road and talk to that one kid. I freaked out how can I ever be with someone so sweet. Since then, kids without her presence have been scary to me. How can I ever make them feel like she does?

I love dogs more than human beings (Except a few people) and she would get frightened even with the name of it. With her hands around my arm and nails deep in it, she would come close to them each time. It would leave marks on my arm every time she came closer to dogs, she did just because it was for me. I adore she wants to overcome her fears for me. I even adore the marks she leaves on me.  When I see her eyes with fear and still wanting to give up her fear for one second. I slip more in her.

She wasn’t afraid of me, she believed me. Whilst times made me fall and even I lost hopes on myself she patted my back and said I was doing good. In the world of people leaving when their lives are shattered, she stood there. My Guardian Angel.

I on the other side was afraid of mere attachments; because before her the world had just pushed me down the valley and left me there. But, she pulled me up with just her presence and walked all the way with her hand in mine. ‘Mother’ isn’t just someone who gives birth to you, she was my mother in every possible way other than that, she made me the new man I could never dream of becoming.

She would shout at me and throw things on me for not eating on time. And right after that would feed with her own hands with plate after plate of oversized portions of food with a spoon of love.  In the end, she would just smile and walk away, with a satisfaction and a million dollar smile.

She’s wasn’t just different.  She was divine.

She prays at 11:11 with eyes closed. And for that whole minute, I would just smile and see her calm face. I never trusted these, but, when my  11:11 dream was true even before I asked for it in front of my eyes, I had to start trusting in it.

In times of fear, I would take her name because all my positive energies came from her. And she, on the other hand, would misplace my name to her friend’s names while talking and get angry looks because she won’t be sorry and she would laugh on it.

And while on random long treks, she will just stop in middle and would try to quit, and with my fake promises of just ‘Few More Steps’, I would pull her all the way to the end. She knows it’s a lie, she knows that every single time, but just like the first time she believes is true every single time. Together we coined ‘Few More Steps’ and that will always be our personal inspiration mantra.

 

Some nights, she would tell me her fears. I would listen and tell her ‘I’m there’. Those words were enough to pump security in her, and God knows how she did that. Her battles were fierce; I could only tell her she’s strong enough. And, which she is.  And at the end listening to me being silly to make her smile she will say I’m smiling sitting miles away I would say you lied and she would ask how did I find out? I would say I know the difference the word “smile” she says smiling and while faking to make me feel right.

Other nights I would show her my scars and she would heal them with her touch. The touch: so supernatural that I still can’t believe her miracles.

And, the day I fell. Returned home with mere life on my skin, she grabbed my soul along with me in a tight hug. With tears ravine me telling her, ‘I failed’. She just started telling me every dream of mine and told I deserved to be there, after every one of them.

When she cries I talk to her eyes, we both knew that was stupid. But, every single time, that stupid thing made her smile even with eyes filled with tears.

And when I drive she would just put her head on my back and smile a little. People say a smile is silent but, even in the noisiest roads, I have heard her smiling with her head behind my back. That symphony of her smile and the peace in her breath. I wish I could tell her I know it. But, I choose not to.

I look at her talking all day long and she flutters her eyes like little Rubies trapped inside butterfly wings and smiles back. I forget what she says and ask her “What?” She knows what happened and would start again, the sentence. But sometimes she would fight to say I never listen to her or sometimes she would just smile back and love me more.

With weird combinations of traits we two different souls united under the sole canopy of Love.
I know she’s it.

So, now you say why should I ever forget this all?

 

 

Weekend Music for You.

I don’t usually do this but, why not do something new. It is always amazing to do NEW NEW. I woke up to work and as usual, a random mix track in background led me to new music.

Thought you people might like it.

Here we go…

The Lumineers- Sleep on The Floor.

This song is gold. It has the perfect music, on point voice, and lyrics altogether.

Pack yourself a toothbrush dear
Pack yourself a favorite blouse
Take a withdrawal slip
Take all of your savings out
‘Cause if we don’t leave this town
We might never make it out
I was not born to drown
Baby come on

 

Halka Halka by Tahir Qawwal & Party

I came across Tahir Qawwal’s party Fanna-Fi-Allah recently a few days back, and guess what? They sing Qawwali and all the six main members are Americans and Canadians. This blew my mind. How can someone so away from this culture be so good in this?  The group’s founding members have spent over 20 years learning this classical art, which celebrates the great Sufi mystics of old and relishes in the love of the Divine through poetry. Sung with a powerful soaring chorus and accompanied by the energetic rhythms of tabla and group clapping, the Beloved is celebrated with ecstatic devotion.

Halka Halka Suroor has always been in my most favourite songs. But, I have always hated when people have made covers on it. Because I always believed that none can replicate what Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan did in the original.

But, here Tahir Qawwal & Party has put that with Sarangi I guess and that sounds so so beautiful.

This one you will surely place in your favourites.

 

I Wanna Grow Old With You by Westlife

The animated movie Up has always been close to my heart. (If you haven’t watched Up yet, please do watch this weekend. You have been missing something really romantic and heart touching movie)

I Wanna Grow Old With You by Westlife put together with the movie Up’s scenes is one of my all time favourites.

Watch this and feel the happiness of Paradise Falls flow in you.

 

Tell Me If You Wanna Go Home by Keira Knightley

This soundtrack from movie Begin Again by Keira Knightley talks so straight about the feelings she has. The beautiful lyrics with the music goes right into the heart.

Tell me if you wanna go home (’cause I’m just not sure)
Tell me if I’m back on my own (how to get back there)
Giving back a heart that’s on loan (and I just can’t bear)
Tell me if you wanna go home (if you’re not there)

 

These are my this weekend’s music to you. I would love if you recommend me some more songs. I will be doing a similar blog soon on Coke Studio I think, or if you have anything in mind do lemme know.

Happy Musical Weekend!

 

 

 

 

Midnight Mayhem

Darker than the shadows they will crawl by your sidewalk,
You will try to hear the winds and they will bribe it too.
When the moon hides behind the clouds they’ll sneak in,
With a knife in hand and no face, they’ll catch you off guard.
You will just hear a whisper, “Who are you?”
You will try to open your mouth to answer and you will hear again “You speak only truth, or you will lie dead the next minute”.
You close your eyes for a moment and think.
And you say, “I’m a murder, and also its victim”.
The darkness grabbing your neck starts to wither away,
It falls down on the floor and fades.
You look out of your window and see the clouds making way for the sun,
You wonder if this a new dawn or just start of another mayhem.

You Will

There will be days when you fall. And, fall even harder. And harder and harder.
Hopes would vanish and everything you believe in will die.
There would be days when you will cry for not being able to change which is happening.
And, there would be nights you will hold on a bottle of pills to relieve you out of it.
You will try to quit.
You will try to run.
You will try to hide.
You will lose people of your own for it.
You will lose respect for your own self.
You will break down for no reason.
You will shout in anger.
You will cringe in pain.
You will pray at every corner.
You will believe and lose belief over and over.
You will lose again.
And maybe, again too.
But, you will try to get up.
You will get up.
You will fight.
You will conquer it.
You will be back.
You will find hope.
You will reach where you have always wanted to.
And one day you will look back and be proud of what you did.
You will always reach where you want to.
I know it’s scary out there.
I know you will get doubts, you will question your worth and even lose it.
But, remember if you didn’t start again for one last time, who knows that this might be the chance where you could have made it.

You will try again and again.
You will never quit trying.
You will keep on believing.
You will keep on winning little battles towards your destination.
Keep on believing.
Keep on trying.
You have already started to win with your belief in you.
To everyone who needs strength for their fights.

From someone who has been through the fight and will always fight it all over again.
I’m not losing hope. And, I’m also sending hopes from my side for you.

To Someone Who Was Never Far

To someone who was never far,

From little two braided girl,
to a chicken hungry devil,
I saw you grow up on photos. 
Because, it is years since we saw each other.
The distances maybe counted in miles and time.
But, the bond still stays unfathomable. 

From fighting with others to sit together in school.
Till planning similar trips to favourite destinations.
We tried bringing things closer.
Whilst the demons took full control of our lives,
turn by turn we tried to drive them away.
Sometimes, we could.
And sometimes, we couldn’t.
But, one thing we always did was
stay there for one another, without saying “now and always”.

Right from taking advises to how to woo that one person we loved.
To, how to get rid of someone whom we hated.
We stitched hearts with little pieces of friendship
sewing deep the seam again.
Now when we plan to settle.
You fight for your favourite city,
and I beg for mine.
Trying to relive the time
when living across the street was a bliss.
From “I will call you before everyone, sharp at 12 once I get my own phone”
To ” I’m transferring my job to your city,dude. I hate this city without you. Get me a place to live there”
We grew closer.

 

This whole thing rose from a simple chat. We have always fought on which city to settle in. I would fight for Bangalore and she would for my city Nashik. Always wanting to live across the hallway just like in Friends serial.

A small dedication to Ananya Dash, the friend who was always there in my thick and thin.

Homecoming

As the morning winds touched her, she poked her head out of the balcony. Sun rays hugged her face with wide hands. But, the beautiful shine in her eyes was lost today.

She missed him badly.

It had been just a day since he left for his week long business trip. That wasn’t the first time he went somewhere alone, but still, she was never used to it.

“They have to select him for this ?”
“He would say it is great opportunity and blah blah to make me see that it was the best thing, he going that far.” She said to herself.

She cut her thoughts to look out over the city. Standing from their apartment she could see half the city. That.s why she insisted they bought that place high, on the 21st floor.
“Majestic and huge” she thought.
Towards the North she saw the forest patches, the long treks with him was all vibrant in her memories again.

 

“Bunny, my leg is paining can we stop for a while?” She said wincing her face.
He smiled and just picked her up in his arms. For she was small, and just a lil bag of cuteness. He would lift her even if she was, just cute.
“Leave me, silly. People are seeing us…god…stop this” she put words amidst her giggles and excitement. She loved his attention but…this public, she wished she could make everyone else freeze until this sweet session was over. But hardly it was possible, she knew it.

She smiled over the memory.
Her smile turned dull. Her face flushed with loneliness. She missed his smiles, every time she smiles he will see her face full and fill his eyes and heart with that scene and will evolve a huge joy from deep on his face seeing her happy.
But,today he wasn’t there for that all.

She picks up her phone to WhatsApp him.

Diya:         Bunny, where are you now? Haven’t heard a word from you since ages.

Bunny:      Hey, dear, I’m so sorry I didn’t text you since hours. Forgive                                               me…pleaseeee!

Diya:         Yea, I should be angry for that.
Fine! I’m angry. In not talking to you.

Bunny:     Sorry, Dear. I was having jet lag, moreover, new room, so was settling                             down.

Diya:        I don’t care, do I ? I’m angry. I’m not talking to you.

Bunny:     Hmm… one thing.

Diya:         What ?

Bunny:      You look gorgeous even when you are angry. I wish I was there to see                             your eyes trying to show anger, which is soooo… hard for them.

Diya:          You making fun of me. I’m going. Bye, be with your new room.

Bunny:      No no… Wait.

Diya.

Diyaaaaa!

Don’t gooooooo.

You read it. Reply now. Pleaseeee.!

Guess what?

Guess na.?

You read it again. Reply now.

Fine, see yourself.

 

She tries to pull all her will power together to resist reading his texts, but she couldn’t, she has to show anger, or at least ‘fake’ it.

Seeing her phone buzzing again and again, she couldn’t resist.
She picks and sees an image from him.
She clicks download it.

Her eyes widen with joy. Every teeth of her peeked out of her mouth, a wide grin.
He sent her a picture of him wearing a wool knit cap which she made for him before he came here.
She couldn’t resist more she has to text him.

Diya:          Bunny, you wearing that ? God! Silly…. Really?

Bunny:       Yes dear. I didn’t get it off my head since I touched this cold weather. It                            feels as if you are just here.
Remember our bike ride to Standoff hill? The way back it was cold and                          you cupped your hands on my ears that I shouldn’t feel the cold winds on                     my ears?

Diya:           Nope, I forgot!
PS: I’m still angry.

Bunny:       Yup, you forget everything .

She didn’t, moreover how could she?
She just stared at the wall of their bedroom which had a lot of little frames which had joyful moments of them encapsulated in them.

That Sunday morning she was banging his head.
“Wake up right this second, we are late. Wake up…wake up…!” She kept saying while trying to wake him up.
“Let me sleep I said for the millionth time this morning. “
“How could you? I’m saying get up, we planned out today”
“Next week,, Diya, now just sleep by me, and let me sleep” said while patting the bed besides him.
“Fine” she said with an angry tone and left the room.
“God not again!” He said to himself and got off the bed to find his angry Aphrodite.
He spotted her sitting in the balcony armchair eyeing the city humming its morning business.
Ignoring his presence she looked out somewhere distant.
Placing a hand on her head he said “get up, we already late to go out.”
“oh you are going out somewhere? Fine, bye. Eat your breakfast out I’m not making any today.” she blurted without a touch of anger on her face.
“Come on Diya, we are heading out ‘together'” He said stressing the last word.

“I’m not” she said sternly.
Yes she was angry, how can’t she be? She waited for the whole month for this and now he turns this weekend too into a lazy stay at home. He cannot pacify her with his words he knew it, at least not always.

He just pulled her chair towards him and kneeled facing her, and asked “I dunno how to do this, will you be my date?” with a wide smirk.

She didn’t even look at him.
It was his last weapon to make her come with him now.
He turned her head with his hands gently and stared deep in her eyes.
She knew how intoxicating it would be, she knew she will lose herself if she stared in his eyes, but, she anyway did it.

Her firmness broke. She fell in his eyes. She knew she was losing it all, her anger, yea ‘mock anger’. She lost ’em all.

Her phone rung and shook her off the dream. She was starting the wall forgetting that he was waiting for her replies.
“Talk to meee! Plea..”
“I was just…Sorry, Bunny!” she cut him in middle.
Her child like voice melted him away. All he knew that she was missing him and nothing else.
“Shut up would you? , never say ‘sorry’, now sleep its late already.”
“Okay, Good night, bye”
“Good night can be said with a smile too ” he chuckled.
“Okay, good night with a ‘smile’ ” she fake laughed mocking him.
“Fine, sleep now ”

It was just few minutes after the phone call his phone ringed again and flashed her name. He knew she was sleepless and he knew the reason too. And picked the phone with a smile.
And said “I know you are sleepless I’m free let’s talk all night.”
“Shut up, I was gonna say that” she giggled.
“Then lemme say something different, I have a problem. I don’t have my pillow” she said in a sad tone.
“We have more than half a dozen of them how can’t you get one for you? Answer me?
“I just can’t get mine. They aren’t mine.” she whined.
” Yours? They all are yours, dear. Just get one tucked below your head and sleep. It’s already too late, you know.”
” I just want mineee”
“Diya… There isn’t anything like that…”
Induced with the answer of it he broke into silence . He now understood what ‘mine’ meant. Her pillow.
Her pillow wasn’t there with her tonight. It was 4860 miles.
Their silence was broken with a smile on both ends. How loud are synced smiles sometimes.

 

Few days later…

At last it was the day, his homecoming.
Her day went dull, she wanted her elixir. She kept seeing the city from their balcony all the evening with an unusual silence, because, silence was never her domain. The eve grew darker and the cool night breeze touched her bringing back to reality.
She still had an hour or so to wait, the armchair was warm and cozy and sent her to an anesthetic sleep.

He knew it was late and her tries to stop herself from sleeping won’t pay off. He opened the door with a spare key and went inside.
He searched and found her sleeping in the armchair. He just stood along the architrave and watched her silently sleep, she seemed more beautiful in deep sleep, this beauty wasn’t supernatural but wasn’t usual too.

He woke her up with little peck on her forehead. Her eyes glitter with joy.
No words. Just eyes.

Minutes later, she put her head on his chest, moved above him and smiled a blissful smile.
“Why you always want your head to my chest?” he asked.
She said with her magical smile ” To hear my heart beat in you”.

 

You can follow up this series here.

WE OWE THEM

Walking down the street in which I have been living since past several years; today I saw a little kid of around seven. Economic hardship of whole family showed up on his face. Clothes faded several shades that it was hard to find what its original colour was. These all details wasn’t any new to kids like him who can be spotted in every city, in places equipped with a class of this society deprived of all luxuries. What startled me was a red bucket, which was hanging down his tender shoulder. The bucket was a small one for me but for him much heavy than he should ever try to lift full of water.

A little soul is lifting such heavy weights, why?   I wondered.

I called him to come where I stood transfixed. He heard and replied instantly with a smile.

The smile on your face makes me feel guilty

I rushed towards him. He was dragging his bare feet so as to come close to me. We met each other.

I haven’t met him or seen him before, but, his smiles sent a deep flow of emotion as if I have met him before.

Yes I have met him all my life. He is who starves almost half of his nights to sleep. His education, health and future were never defined and are at clear stake. Yes I know him he is one of my brothers on my land who is devastated by the poverty and lay sunken like a ship thousands of fathoms deep in ocean.

‘What for you have called me?’ his contrasting strong voice from his weak body broke my thought.

‘Huuh…’ I mumbled. ‘What is your name?’

‘You called me to ask my name?’

‘Deep…..Amardeep’

Bond fan or what? It had the same texture like Bonds used to say ‘Bond…..James Bond’. Weird thought was it but, it somehow touched me.

‘Okay, why are you lifting this? It must be so heavy for you.’

‘Yes it is but, I have to do. None else would do it for my mother if I didn’t’

His eyes said something; a deep silence embraced me whenever I saw them.  They were deep and black.  Only thing which is most lively on his whole body I thought.

‘Are you listening?’ His voice snapped my thoughts.

‘Yeah, but can’t your mom do it? You are so young to do this.’

‘She is ill. And none else is in my house except me.’

Still his eyes were confident. But I can sense something melancholic in his statement.

‘No one? Why?’ I enquired.

‘Father died two years ago’ His face showed a worry and deep feeling of loss.

‘Sorry’ I said.

‘Its okay, can I go? Mom must be worried, I am late.’

‘Yes but you go to school?’ I hoped he must go.

Deep in my heart the question was important to me, his affirmative answer would have been a thing of both rejoice and surprise for me.

He continued ‘No, we cannot afford that.  If could, we would have bought medicines and food to live better.’ Facts spill out of his smiling face.

So practical for his age.

‘I am late, bye!’ he started his heavy load dragging journey till his home.

I stood blank for next few minutes. He got slowly invisible in the early morning orange sun’s spill.

I was there for some more minutes staring the way he departed. He re-emerged. Now was bouncing with the same red plastic bucket, which is empty now. He passed by me in the same running pace which he had when he re-emerged. He smiled at me. He passed me in a jiffy, but his smile didn’t leave.

What are we doing to him? And many such?

I felt a chill down my spine, was it because of him or the cold winds blowing.

We owe them a lot, something which we have abundant of and they are deprived of.

 

The image featured is from a very close friend Ankit, you can find more on his Fb page.

FALL, RISE AND MAKE YOUR OWN DAWN.

You used to hesitate to trust the world, feared of the true faces of people. Each new face is just a fear that it just another added on break point of later time. Time showed you a lot of those who left a permanent mark of pain, betrayal, desertion and most importantly a deepest wound each time they put you in situations where you broke down to pieces.

But suddenly a hope started to mount up. Your heart gave a cry that you should trust now. You start to put all your trust, and your all on it.

Days pass on, your insecurities die. You became proud of that one decision and believed it changed your life and the way you see life.

Hard stone face of yours turned bearing a softened smile. Days of where you used to see people with a slackness stitched on flied away and now all seemed so right in place.

But, suddenly it all changed. Your own eyes betrayed you. You hate to accept that all wasn’t true what you saw. It all suddenly darkened around you and you stood there solemnly as if the night will dawn now or then and you realize that the sun also betrayed you.
You broke inside, cursed yourself why you believed.
The anger, loss and solitude burned you from inside. Time passed on intensifying every feeling of yours, your feelings tried to escape your long seasoned walls of your body, but you don’t let that all spill off and you compressed them all in you. Day, after day, year after year. You bartered the pain with wearing numbness over you.

Numbness which flows in after a battle.
Eyes see it all, hardly things are reliable
Ears listen, and nothing fits to hear.

Silence such as after a war, even while people howl, groan and die doesn’t changes a thing on you.
You stand there not writhing for what you feel.
You don’t stumble because all of them you go through.

You kept that numbness, but it mounted to the threshold. You struggled to keep it inside.
But, then all of a sudden, it all then burst in every directions making its own new super nova, after all you have to make your own dawn and stop relying on others.